Psychologically I find it interesting how as a child you "choose" one of those sides, how intuitive is it? How much relates to one's upbringing: what one hears from parents or siblings?
Growing up in the Netherlands since the 1970s and 1980s, I noticed how what was called "Left" and "Right" was not so much a matter of content or theory, but rather a "feel" or "vibe" transmitted. The Right was cold, conservative, strict, and square or boring. Of old people. The Left was passionate, progressive, loose, artistic, and "cool". Of young people. This is of course terribly superficial and simplistic, even if reflecting a worldview.
It did not take long, though, before I found what the terms historically and ideologically meant, also because I read a lot as child, going through a "bookworm period" as a member of the public library.
TERMS HISTORY
That distinction between Left-(wing) and Right-(wing) politics predates Marxism and thus Socialism and Communism. It goes back to the Revolutionary period of the Late 18th c France, when parliamentarians seated on the left side favoured a democratic society and secularization, and opposed the absolutist, and monarchist privileges, while those seated on the right supported the traditional institutions and the Old Regime. The terms Left and Right were first used in that sense in France in 1789. Later it got applied to Marxist-influenced movements, but also anarchists, and other progressive, "alternative" movements, especially when striving toward social equality. Marx's Das Kapital was released first in 1867, so much later than the first political use of the Left-Right distinction.
MY TRAJECTORY
One might argue, that I was destined to be "Left-wing". I loved Black music already then, was interested in Africa and nature, realized my parents were from the poorer labouring class, and belonged to an ethnic/cultural minority in the Netherlands.
On top of that, my Spanish mother had left a dictatorship in Spain that was decidely Right-wing and largely Fascist: that of general Franco. She complained about having to - as a young woman - look for jobs en get by in Francoist Spain, including facing disdain and even harsh abuse. On the other hand, land-owning Spanish family members sought - more opportunistically than ideologically - to maintain workable contacts with pro-Franco local politicians, so the defiant Left-wing stand got muffled (out of fear and opportunism), though not lost. Over time, my mother told me more and more about how she "was only good to work as a slave" in exploitative employer-friendly Francoist Spain, that everyone wanted "freedom", and about the sense of "suffocation" she felt under that Fascist dictatorship.
Labour conditions were much better, and more humane, when she came to work in the Netherlands, after leaving Spain around 1966. My mother called herself - perhaps in response to her youth under Franco - sometimes a communist, later moderated to "socialist", and even a "feminist" at times - ridiculing ingrained "machismo" -, placing herself at the Left-wing spectrum, even while taking some conservative views from the strongly Catholic Spain under Franco.
My Italian father, as a poor worker since his teens, associated with the labouring class too, though somewhat more, let's say, populistically than my more intellectually-oriented mother, and a bit more centrist, ideologically. He mistrusted all politicians, even those nominally Left-wing ones, - both in the Netherlands and in Italy - since he was, e.g. irritated with high taxes or state overregulation.
I was therefore predisposed, one might say, to be anti-systemic and sympathize with the Left, though as I grew up, I became Left-wing in my very own way, as everyone.
As an individual, I considered myself mostly as an artistic musician. At least that was my main ambition - making songs -, only after that I was a bit interested being "politically engaged", though sometimes I combined that in song lyrics. My being "Left-wing" therefore became very soon in my life quite "individualistic" and "free-spirited". I felt more at home with "hippies" or "squatters" than with "group thinkers" thinking in economic class terms. The forced, collectivistic "let's work together toward a communist state" led to an intolerance of dissent, I soon noted. Like with Right-wing ideologies before (like Mussolini's Fascism) the disrespect for individuality disgusted me. "You are nothing, the State is everything", Mussolini said, and Communist dictators said more or less the same, attested to by the "secret services" and snitching in East Bloc countries, such as the KGB or Stasi, and the prevalent "military" logic in such dictatorships.
Later experiences I had in Cuba between 2001 and 2006 (with also a - more informal - political "snitching system"), derived from that totalitarian "other communist" model.
FREEDOM
I prefer a world with equal rights for all, no poverty, but also social and cultural "freedom" for each individual, used as I was to strive to be original and go my own way.
This tension between "individualism" and "Left-wing" came sometimes to the fore, also in relation to "identity politics". The positive thing I found about "identity" politics is that it centralized "culture" as category. On the other hand it was a somewhat limited frame.
Nonetheless, I always associated "freedom" with the Left politically, going as far as describing the "Communist" dictatorships in the East Bloc, as "corrupted" or "false" communists. In my head there was no such thing as a "Left-wing dictatorship", maybe partly influenced by my Fascist dictatorship-escaping mother.
CONTRADICTION
That was my trajectory, but I became a bit confused after encountering other people calling themselves ideologically/politically "Left-(wing)" - in the Netherlands, Spain, and elsewhere - with seemingly other mentalities - and preoccupations - than me. From nationalists with a war rhetoric (Basque ETA-adherents, anti-Israel or pro-Palestina groups, to politically "Left" (often social-democratic), but culturally conservative Muslims, or highly placed Left spokespersons in the Dutch media, who were from wealthy backgrounds, yet presented themselves as "guarding" Left power, often never having set foot in factories or poor neighbourhoods. I assumed hypocrisy, or at least contradiction in many of these cases and people. Did the ideologies they espoused, translate in their practices?
From a human point of view, I could on the other hand also understand that complex people are "somewhere in between", showing flexibility, especially admirable when they were truly independent thinkers, despite group pressure, or their parents' material wealth. Then I appreciated the individual freedom of persons "going against the grain".
FAKE AND FASHION
Not always, though. I noticed that in the Netherlands, it was considered fashionable and "cool" to be appearing "Left-wing", without proper credentials or even attitude. In some other European countries the same applied, since the 1970s. For many it was just fashion, even mainly so, but even worse were those with wicked and bad intentions: using their "Left-wing image" to hide their Right-wing, high-class interests. "Fake-left" I called these.
During my study years (higher education/bachelor), and working at a high professional level, I noticed this "corrupted" fake-left more often. I tended to like the Left-oriented persons, especially with a "hippy-like" vibe and open mind more, but getting to know people they turned sometimes not so open minded. Or even truly "progressive", even if boasting of multicultural and multiracial friends or lovers, and intense travels - among the people - in Africa or Asia, learning even exotic languages, and expressing interest in Yoga or Buddhism. Even if lambasting Right-wing politicians or calling these Fascists (though some of them were, haha). Sometimes I found out how they had a privileged background, and their stances "quasi-rebelling" against it, but not really. Sometimes "square-looking" ones, were more open-minded. Appearing liberal or Left-wing seemed so much easier than actually being it, so with all this hypocrisy I preferred overall to focus on culture and humanity, less on politics.
In short, Netherlands became a country where even the elite found it "cool" to present itself as "Left-wing" and progressive, while the "Right" became a dirty word. The "Right-wing" spokespersons or representatives were certainly present in the Netherlands, but tended to not call themselves "Right-wing", even if mainly serving the interests of "big business capitalism" and the rich in this world.
POPULISM
In the Netherlands, the Left-wing people considered themselves more often as a bit detached intellectuals, than as "common men", as Right-wing people tended to do, even if the latter only were pretending.
The rise of what were called, vaguely and inadequately, "populist" movements, confused me even further. "Populus/People" itself is good, and Left-wing, one would think, but it got mixed up with petty, and negative, frustrations, more a determent from actual social injustice than anything else. Very basic human instincts like national pride or jingoism, ethnic preference, or macho/male, heterosexual privilege - like in Right-wing movements before - got also espoused by labourers, mixed up nonetheless with ("Left-wing') mistrust of "the high classes" (politicians, bosses), toward a quite confusing whole.
Especially that "fashionability" of being Left-wing in the Netherlands stimulated a lot of hypocrisy and fakeness.
I tried to find my way between all this, and preferred to focus on truthful people, who were truly progressive and open-minded. The free minds, without, like Right-wing self-defined "free thinkers", the big business, money, or "law and order" nonsense.
SPIRITUAL
This combined since my 30s more with spiritual interest, as my life demanded more "depth". I read the Bible, but soon also showed interest in Vodou and other Afro-Caribbean "danced" religions, as well as what were called "nature religions". In part this related to my increased attention to percussion. The Rastafari movement even answered more to my spiritual needs, fitting well with my love for Reggae music, but not in a superficial way.
Rastafari, while Biblically influenced, is overall "progressive" in aims, while the main inspiring figures of Rastafari, Marcus Garvey and emperor Haile Selassie I, also were, being further quite individual free thinkers, "going against the grain". That I liked and appreciated too.
I expressed thus my critique of "the unequal system" and oppression and exploitation partly intellectually, later also more spiritually. I kept considering myself "Left-wing", even asserted that explicitly in debates or opinions, about society and politics.
Not unlike my mother, who even contradicted Right-wing opinions of the bosses she worked for. This had often less risk than in Francoist Spain, though: the bosses in the Netherlands often just made joking remarks back... or maybe they took revenge by denying her a contract extension. In Franco-ruled Spain labourers had little protection from being fired stante pede, abuse, nepotism, open discrimination, etcetera.
I guess many of us are more like their parents than they think, but still unique individuals with own intellectual, emotional, and spiritual needs.
2020
So, entering the year 2020, this was they way I carved my highly individual "Left-wing" identity, amid the (sometimes nonsensical) "Left-Right" rhetorical division and confusion. Above all, I still remained more interested in culture than in politics..
Needless to say, 2020 was an even more confusing - and troubling - year, also for me, including with regarding to the Left-Right division.
The claimed corona pandemic, based on a new, virulent flu virus called Covid 19, caused a worldwide panic, which was met with a surprisingly international and unanimous response. Supranational organizations like the World Health Organizations apparently coordinated the similar political directions to a new massive fear. This led to - as known - quite extreme and draconian measures, labelled "emergency measures".
Even when the "emergency" was not there anymore (Covid 19 as all flu virusses having softened to a common flu-level with an "infection fatality rate" of about 0,23%, already by May 2020), the panic-based policies strangely continued. Protecting health care access and capability came the stated motivation behind the continued stringent policies, even into 2021.
CRITICAL
I observed all this, and soon became critical of the corona policies. Maybe up to April, I was still somewhat worried, though I have never been a "hypochondriac" or "germophobe", neither were my parents I mentioned before. Yet I was somewhat careful with that supposed new virus.
Not for long. Always researching different sources, I began to conclude that the response in Western countries (followed by others) was not only wrong/disproportionate, but had become more a pLandemic than a pandemic: serving political and economic goals, rather than health goals. The fact that a nondemocratic "lockdown" policy was enacted in many countries made me doubt it even stronger.
LOCKDOWN
According to Irish lockdown-critic Ivor Cummins, the for Western democracies uncommon and unprecedented "national lockdown" approach to virusses came from China's Communist Party (CCP) having early successes against Covid 19 outbreaks in Wuhan and around in early 2020. Oddly, this totalitarian, collectivistic approach - only really possible when human rights and freedoms are limited, as in China - was copied in countries having on the other hand learned (since 1945) to respect and enshrine those rights.
Here is the confusion. A "communist" strategy, or, one might say, "corrupted communist" or "fake communist" lockdown policy. After all, China is in reality aimed at (state) capitalism.
This copied and - inappropriate - lockdown response in countries like France, the Netherlands, Britain, Spain, or Italy - to differing degrees of rigidity - trampled human rights and freedoms of citizens in these countries, not so much as since the also totalitarian Fascism in Europe. The exaggerated fear - through media propaganda - for the virus and "pandemic that no longer was" seemed orchestrated to be able to enact those policies. That's what I in time began to conclude.
I did not want to venture into "conspiracy theories", but just noted that facts did not add up, and that there was much lying.
RESET
The recently stated goals of a Great Reset by the World Economic Forum, representing the wealthiest economic players in this world -seemed shared by many political leaders, from nominally Left to nominally Right, translating in the Build Back Better phrase, after the coronacrisis.. This is no longer just a conspiracy theory, but a conspiracy fact, for an elite's economic reshaping, at the cost of small businesses and poor people worldwide, and of, well, a cultural life. I deplore that, as it seems to go against everything I stood and stand for.
This elite economic plan does not seem very "Left-wing", looking at who pay the price (poor, small business), does it? Well, some consider it as such, oddly. Both in the Netherlands, as in other countries. Mention "health care" or "health system" - even insincerely - and it becomes automatically "Left-wing" or progressive. Is that the simple, superficial logic? A logic I do not get.
I see mainly similarities with totalitarian systems, and the capitalist interests of Big Pharma and other wealthy elites in this world. Even some "lip service" stated in the Great Reset plan, to Left-wing aims like inclusiveness, "eating less meat", sustainability, state care toward equality, and other aspects supposedly becoming Better after Building Back, did note come across as sincere and of substance to me.
Same as always: the rich got richer during this coronacrisis, and the poor got poorer, and also as always historically: a small, wealthy elite oppresses a large, poorer majority it fears, and therefore wants to control and divide. From colonialism, slavery plantations, to fascism, and communism. It is in that line.. There is nothing "Left-wing" about that..
POLARIZATION
In the Netherlands, as critique of the draconian lockdown-based policies increased, the polarization also increased. This happened in other countries too, with similar forms of censorship against corona policy critique. A bit belated, I uttered my critique of that undemocratic lockdown-based policy too, and I do not have a strong sense of "diplomacy" - or diplomatic "filter" - I must admit, when it comes to political views. With people, I am more careful, finding no joy in hurting personal feelings, preferring to share in (imperfect) humanity.
Yet, my sometimes undiplomatic critique got - in my opinion - odd responses, from people I did not expect it from. Self-proclaimed Lefties and Rastas (fake or not) said they associated such corona policy-skeptical views with a Right-wing president like Donald Trump or Bolsonaro. Presidents I did not feel myself politically related to. Some even deemed the anti-lockdown activists as loons, influenced by the "extreme right".
Fearing a disease you know nothing about, losing rights and freedoms because of it, is Left-wing? Quite the contrary, I would say.
Encountering other anti-lockdown activists, I noticed instead a "hippie-like" vibe, but even that is simplistic. They included different kind of people, Left and Right, but a bit more to the Left, or at most Centrist-Right. No Neo-Nazi's or Fascists who - I gather - would not be so interested in halting a lockdown, setting ALL people equally free..
PSYCHOLOGICAL
Pro-corona policy/lockdown people wish to categorize anti-lockdown people as "extreme right" , against their own knowledge. Psychologically it is explainable: they have a guilty conscience following a cognitive dissonance. Supporting a health policy, but in reality a trampling of human rights and democracy, and the direction from democracy to dictatorship, with increased totalitarianism, restrictions, and Fascist measures like banning gatherings, curfews, closures of schools and even private businesses, semi-forced testing and vaccination, experimenting with citizens, etcetera etcetera.
In the back of their mind they feel guilty and ashamed about what they kept supporting, easing their guilt by "inventing" a bigger cause and enemy requiring this sacrifice, calling opponents "extreme right" being a good example of projection and turning around.
These disturbed, corrupted psyches can still be quite eloquent, aggrandizing small details and faults in whatever anti-lockdown activists say.. This eloquency is false because not sensible or reasonable. I had some of those unpleasant discussions with pro-lockdown people online, noting that they made the discusion soon personal, trying to undermine my integrity and trustworthiness, losing the focus on the content or arguments, they apparently did not have. A lot of venom in their remarks, better to be reserved for actually powerful politicians. They just had a badly targeted ideological war in their head, while wanting to see themselves as "Left-wing".
They follow thus on the "fake Left" I described before, when also members of the wealthy elite in the Netherlands (and elsewhere, such as the US and France) found it - despite their privileges - fashionable to appear "Left-wing" publicly. The "corona crisis" and related polarization merely strengthened them. Also in other countries - for some inexplicable reason - coming with harsh corona restrictions is seen as Leftist realism and not - as it actually is Fascist meets Chinese Communist totalitarianism. This showed in the early statements by new US (Democrat) president Joe Biden, as well as the stances by (once) Left-wing parties (Socialists, Greens) even voting in favour of laws trampling human rights (out of fear of disease? pavlov reaction to "health" issues?).
Again, much confusion regarding the already troubled and confusing politicized Left-Right division. Like I said, I associate the Left - in my perception - with "freedom". Not with locking down, curfews, closing bars and small business, closing schools, stay- or work-at-home orders, movement restrictions, or stopping cultural events.. For the greater goal of... health protection of a minority? Or so they claim..
NEVER CHANGED ME
I was troubled and shocked throughout 2020 by the whole dominant, elite-led "plandemic", but it never changed me, as is also sung in a Reggae song I know. Neither did I change my definitions regarding the political Left - Right distinction, though one can sensibly argue that the strict Left-Right division has become obsolete after 2020: truth versus lie is more important now. Love versus hate also, I should add. And, not least, freedom versus captivity and slavery..
Moreover, all this confirmed to me personally that I find "culture" - so under attack during this corona plandemic - more important than politics. Culture is of the people wanting to be free, politics of elites wanting to control.
